Today, I saw a Black Kite skirting past the opaque moon against a teal-blue evening sky. It was a refreshing change of scenery. Considering I had been bed-ridden since February. About two weeks ago, my spinal chord was operated upon. The disc bulge in my lower vertebrae had become worse. There was a growing risk of suffering permanent nerve damage on my left leg.
So, I had decided to opt for surgery. Now, I have a giant scar to show for it. If things don’t go according to plan, I may have a T-Shirt idea. Buy one for yourself and get two for your friends. But, strictly no refunds. I have a mouth, below my nostrils, to feed.
I need two more weeks of rest before I can walk comfortably, drive the car, sleep without medication, take a shower without a shiver, quite literally, creeping up my spine, and so on.
These days, I am mostly confined to bedrooms. I am unable to read because I have to keep changing my posture. So, I watch television. I double-check my inability to wriggle my ears. And I cross a daily of 5 levels in Angry Birds 2. But I feel a lot better these days; as opposed to the ghoulish experience that was the post-surgery stint at the hospital.
Especially since I can sit on the balcony and watch resident birds go about their businesses. Sometimes, I get to see sunlit clouds pass through one another. It is very relaxing. I think about how the weather effortlessly turns into a giant paintbrush when the canvas has an audience of one. And how I don’t have to pee into a container anymore.
I live in the heart of the city, but there are clumps of greenery around. I can spot Black Kites, Asian Koels, Rufous Treepies, White-Throated Kingfishers, Rose-Ringed Parakeets, Indian Mynahs, Rock Pigeons and House Crows. Plus, I have Coppersmith Barbets for neighbors. They show up twice a day – with their fiery red plumes and yellowing summer-sauced cheeks.
I have started photographing birds every morning. It is comforting to hold a camera after two months. The sun has also become my object of affection. I look at it through the lens, like a doting father would someone else’s child. We play peekaboo with each other.
Sometimes, airplanes join us. But we don’t particularly care for their noisy participation.
I have begun to notice that it is easy to be self-obsessed during a time like this. I hope that I don’t turn into a jerk who prattles about overcoming obstacles on a fancy hospital bed – with medical insurance.
But still, I wouldn’t want to forget any of it. I want to remember how I fought through the physical pain. The way I secretly longed for sympathy. Everyone who stood by me. All those who didn’t. The body weight I lost. Every new strand of white hair salting my sideburns. The worried expressions on my parents’ faces. The exciting news that my niece has started to learn to play the guitar. The anticipation of seeing Spotted Owlets again.
Being out there in the wild by the end of the year; back to a lifestyle that I was in love with. Being stuck inside four walls – listening to Jim Groce’s Time In A Bottle several times – until then.
Because scar tissues will leave you with lessons that last longer than those inspired by lectures. They teach you that things can go wrong all the time. But it does not mean that you should lead your lives in fear and anxiety. Find your own inner balconies.
And sit out there, patiently.
Because it can be exhausting to try and control your own life’s narrative. It probably requires a lot of effort and patience. But, rolling with the punches before moving on isn’t easy either. In fact, that road can often be rockier.
You may lose friends along the way. Feel bitter. Become more cynical. And grow impatient about failures. But there is a strange kind of comfort in it. One that isn’t necessarily visible to the naked eye. Or that soothes an aching heart It’s just a warm and fuzzy sensation. A lightning bolt of confidence. While it may be impossible to ascertain just how important that is, once you feel it – you will realize that you wouldn’t want it any other way.
Now, I wouldn’t want anyone to go through a major surgery just to pick up a few life’s lessons that can be probably found in a Deepak Chopra tweet. But, if you stumble at some point, do believe in your own strength to wipe the dust off your bruised knees and pick yourself up.
And to my Owlets, Flycatchers, Warblers, Munias, Shrikes, Bulbuls, Orioles, Kestrels and dear readers, I will see you again soon.
When life gives you
hospital beds,
turn those
sunlit windows
into your
inner balconies
instead.
(Photographs: Chetpet, Chennai)
So good to see your post! I’m sorry you are having to go through this. Perhaps binge-watching 4-5 seasons of your favorite show on Netflix (provided you can get this) will cure the ill. Or writing (which is probably more productive).
Wishing you a quick path to a full recovery…and one that leads to a treasure trove of beautiful birdies.
PS – Black Kite!! (hair on fire)
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Thank you Shannonroo ❤ It all happened so suddenly. But, I am much better these days.
Pssssttt…I ended up watching 3 full seasons of Shark Tank. Because I couldn’t sit upright to write until the past few days.
Like the guv once said, “I’ll be back” (big smile).
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I LOVE THE FINAL LINE OF YOUR REPLY. YOU KNOW, IT DOESN’T WHAT MATTERS WHAT COMES YOUR WAY. ALWAYS TELL YOURSELF “I AM BIGGER THAN THIS, I’LL BE BACK ON MY FEET AGAIN.” YOU ARE INDEED BIGGER ON THE INSIDE.
(angel)(angel)(angel)(angel)(angel)
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What a brilliant post and I know just what you mean about inner balconies. I found them too in the hospital after surgery. I called them inner resources, but they are exactly the same thing and once you find you have, and can rely on them, things forever change. Birds definitely link to this in my mind too. They show me daily how to live.
I hope you are feeling better soon.
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Much appreciated, Cindy. I am glad you found yours during a time of need. Resources indeed.The tools that matter when most things fail. Clink! Here’s to recovery of strength through the wings of our feathered friends.
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Very sorry to hear about your surgery and hospitalisation. I pray and wish you a Godspeed recovery.
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Thank you very much for your kind words, Sandeep.
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Yeah, that’s a problem with the New Age, ain’t it? It can make hard-earned wisdom sound indistinguishable from banal, pre-fab aphorisms.
I hope you’ll soon be up, about and back to chasing your symbols of unattainable freedom. In the meantime I’m sending you a fellow cripple from my garden who was quickly restored to health (it’s a juvenile barking owl).
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Awww look at that fellow! Absolutely adorable. Thank you so much for them fighting words, Carbogal.
“Pre fab aphorisms” – Hahaha I like how that sounds!
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So THAT’s where you’ve been! Poor thing! But Croce’s music has magical healing powers, so you are absolutely doing the right thing. Be strong, heal fast, hang in there!
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Thank you, Gretchen. I discovered Croce, much like putting up a brave face, very late in life!
But yes, I will survive (smile)
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Good to see you return my talented friend, a bit of advice…stairs are NOT your friend. Be mindful of how you traverse them in either direction, forever. There are of course numerous other formerly simple tasks that are no longer so, and each one should be approached very carefully, but my aching, old back prevents me from further listing them! Rest long and well my friend, there are many more birds and undiscovered “balconies” yet to explore.
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Thank you so much, Doc. That was very encouraging. I am still following the words of advice you had given earlier. Soft-padding has become my dear friend. Tempted to buy animal-themed fluffy shoes at some point in time.
The once simple chores may infuriate me later. For now, I am grateful that I am able to do a lot more than I was in February.
Silver linings, I suppose. I wish I had a playbook to show for it!
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oooooh ok so that’s where you have been 😦 very sorry to hear that. but glad that you will be back on your feet real soon. don’t strain yourself by blogging too much. we are not going anywhere 🙂 🙂 take care, Chris!!
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D’awwww! Adored how you said “We”. I will take a “you” with just as big of a smile. Thank you abundantly, M.
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A little more irreverence in your post, and I will be convinced that you are healed.
Get well soon.
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Hehehe thanks LG. I promise not to bend my back doing it, though!
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Sorry to know this, but glad you are back!!! Look forward to see more and more 🙂 Must admit great shots from a balcony. Get well soon dear!!
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Thank you, Madhavi, much appreciated (big smile)
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Drats! No wonder you were hardly posting much. Good to know you are doing better. Stay safe and keep a positive frame of mind, C. Take care. Waiting for you to get back on two feet!
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Me too! Especially, my left foot. It aches for consistency. Giggles. Thanks, Parv.
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Tried reaching you over the phone but when I didn’t get a response, I was wondering if you had closed the doors to your inner balcony on me.
So sorry to hear that while I anguished over your silence, you were grappling with surgery.
Relieved to read that you are doing so much better and managed to pick some profound life lessons while at it. Bravo my friend!
Ive been trying to reach for my inner balconies too. Sometimes, I manage to step out, hold the windblown railing and let the silence recharge the dimming resilience. Other times, the wet pillow does a stand up job of keeping the nightmares away…
Not to drag you into my dark corners for I am so happy that you found your footrest on that balcony wall. The grey in the sideburns is well earned my dear C.
Call when you get your strength back. Lets hope I take that call on my sunny balcony.
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Aww apologies, Som. Yes, my phone hasn’t been my companion over the past month. And my mind was too cluttered. I knew you would understand. Thank you so much for your beautiful and kind words. They mean a lot to me. I hope to be back on my feet by the end of the month.
We shall talk soon, dear friend. Keep pursuing your inner balconies. I know for sure that you have the knack and perseverance to find them.
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so sorry to learn this Christy…hope you recover fully & soon…take care..& thank you for the post…
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Thank you very much, Sumana. Feeling much better, these days.
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Friend Christy,
May the sweet scents and songs of Spring pull you gently back onto the River of life hungry for all the magic of being.
Tio
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Thank you, dear friend, for those beautiful words of encouragement.
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Interesting post…. Have a look at mine
https://techtoyz12.wordpress.com/2017/03/21/how-to-get-more-likes-followers-on-instagram-tips-tricks
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I so enjoyed reading your post and wish you a speedy recovery.
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Thank you very much, Christine!
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Beautiful rendition of a positive attitude in a challenging time. You rock! 👏
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Aww thank you so much!
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The koel is a timid and elusive bird. It is a surprise how you caught it in your camera.
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They are my neighbors, so I have all the time in the world to observe their timings. And some luck too.
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Stumbled onto this post. It gives me hope and inspiration!
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Awwwww what a happy accident for this blog that you did. Thank you, Laurie.
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Some great lines you have in your post, “secretly longing for sympathy” and “rolling with the punches before moving on isn’t easy either”. Both sentences have made me consider a few things about my own situation and how I may be handling it. Keep keeping it real.
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I am touched and humbled that you said that. At the risk of sounding cheesy, I’d like to thank you very much for your comment. Keep getting stronger!
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Thank you, I look forward to reading more of your posts.
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Thanks for sharing! A tweet may get the point across, but your own story makes it seem so visceral. Beautiful pictures as well!
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Aww thank you so much!
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Wow
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Get well soon! Those are some great photos and the very fact that you are not toiling in a quagmire of anger or self loathing after your operation is a victory in itself.
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Thank you for your kind words and encouragement, Mayur!
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Beautifully put! So true about finding Inner balconies.
Glad to have come across your blog.
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Much appreciated, Jaya. I am very glad that you stumbled upon my little space here.
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Your style of writing is very fluid and enticing to read. Great post!
xx
https://colourpotblog.wordpress.com/
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Awww thank you so much, Clare. Do visit again!
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Will do xx
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May you have a speedy recovery. God bless you with good health.
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Thank you, Namrata!
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What an amazing post to stumble upon..loads and loads of best wishes to your claim 😃
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Aww it’s always a pleasure to be run into by a fellow blogger! Thank you (big smile).
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Pleasure’s all on the other bank☺😃
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I stumbled on this post on discover. Its a great find and I feel inspired and stronger actually. I expect more of this from you Christy. I wish you a quick recovery.
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Yaaay for WordPress Discovery, and the discovery of spirited connections. Thank you so much for stopping by <3.
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I hope you are up and feeling better soon. Birds are definitely a great way to pass time and bring some happiness to your life.. best wishes.. 🙋🐦
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Thank you very much, my feathered friend. I hope to go birdwatching in a few days. I can’t imagine the bliss in store. Do visit again!
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I just wanted to let you know that I moved my blog to a self-hosting site, still on wordpress. Just go to https://www.backyardbirdlady.com to continue seeing my blog. I’m not sure if you have to re-register or not. Karen
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Such an inspiring post! I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to remain so optimistic post surgery. I hope you’ll have a great recovery and get back to doing the things you love! By the way, your pictures are beautiful!
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Awww I really appreciate it.
I felt a lot more optimistic once I realized two things: 1) People I know have gone through worse 2) Pain is helluva reset button (big smile).
I hope I see you here again!
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Great post.. its funny how you gain a different perspective when you slow things down.. I’ve never noticed birds at all, I definitely ought to. Hope you have a fast recovery!
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Pain and gain is a helluva game to play with oneself. I must say, it works too.
Here’s wishing you more birdie love in your life.
Thank you!
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Oh I don’t I know it.. I have a 4 month old and he sure does give me a heavy dose of both everyday, but in a very different way 🙂
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So sorry to hear of your need for surgery. So glad you are doing better. You are an awesome writer. i love reading what you write. I understand about the pain. I have been suffering with back and neck pain since 2006 no surgery yet they keep giving me injections and nerve burns most days are the same since cant work as an RN by the bedside anymore. Blessings to you for good healing. Cherri
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Awww that was comforting and sweet, Cherri. Thank you.
I am really sorry about the pain in your life. I am sure that it won’t be until too long before you can do everything you could, and wanted to, before. I shall send moon-lined blessings your way. Along with songs from the throats of my feathered friends. Take care ❤
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your blessings and your feathered friends are received kindly ty you also many blessings for continued healing.
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Superrb post👌👌 Get well soon.
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Much appreciated! Thanks for stopping by.
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Get well soon😻
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Thank you ❤
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A captivating post, quite a good read. I admire your courage. What a positive outlook to life! “When life gives you hospital bed, find your inner balconies.” Taking countless pictures, watching those lovely birds through your camera lens, would be soothing…I imagine, takes your mind off the discomfort and pain from the surgery.
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Very kind of you, karen. And inspiring words too! I can’t wait to find solace in birds soon, hopefully in a few days. Until then, I shall ride high on the kindness of happy strangers.
Do visit again!
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It’s good to see you can now sit and write about your experience. I wish you full recovery soon. Nice images by the way. It’s good to once in a while atune with nature. Have a good one!
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I can’t wait to complete the full cycle of being able to go out birding again! Hope I can update soon. Thank you for the kind words ❤
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Very sorry to heard that… Wįsh you quick recovery
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Thank you, Alexander!
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Christy …
as much as i try to express how you captured my exact same feelings 3 years ago, when i was bed-ridden in a hospital, post- being hit by a car in the UK, (https://wegrowthroughothers.wordpress.com/2015/10/31/self-help-tips-for-life/)
I can never express to you what it meant, to read ur words, with those beautiful photos u put up there, so real, so you.
Christy, seriously, thank you, for understanding what i am now made of , n the inside; the title of your article sufficed, to lure me into your piece of writing here, well, beacause… i had a hospital bed once, a most horrible experience, that still shapes me to date, after i have lost lots of friends along the way..
So, instead of trying to tell you how much i thank you, i have highlighted the lines that got to me MOST, the lines that have “me” written all over them:
“But still, I wouldn’t want to forget any of it.
I want to remember how I fought through the physical pain.
The way I secretly longed for sympathy. Everyone who stood by me.
All those who didn’t.
The body weight I lost.
Every new strand of white hair salting my sideburns. The worried expressions on my parents’ faces. ”
And , this:
“Because scar tissues will leave you with lessons that last longer than those inspired by lectures.
They teach you that things can go wrong all the time. But it does not mean that you should lead your lives in fear and anxiety.
Find your own inner balconies.
And sit out there, patiently.”
Christy, Thank you for inspiring me, for thinking of me and dedicating a post to me:) I stand in awe. Ad regarding your awaited recovery, i shall tell u one additional lesson i myself learned, in my head and heart:
You NEVER know HOW STRONG you are, until being Strong is YOUR ONLY CHOICE. i swear, you are strong enough, just give it time, as you DO NOT surrender, just live by and u will see how u GET BETTER and your life will change forever, you’ll see, you will be a magnet for people, for kindness, beacause u have seen what others “do not have the CHANCE to see”, yup.
Truly yours,
Joy ❤
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Such a cherishing footprint you have left on this little post of mine. I thank you for all the kind words (and them fighting words too). I agree heartily with you. When being strong is the only choice, the mind turns into a whip-cracking mistress and orders the body into doing things it didn’t realize it was capable of.
Thank you again for such lovely sentiments. I can say, without flinching, that writing this post and hearing from people such as you are immensely helpful towards my recovery.
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This post is very exiting
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Been there but for different reasons! Months in the hospital is not fun!!! You’ll get better!
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Thank you, Melanie!
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So strong!!! Thank you so much for sharing! I will keep you in my thoughts and pray for a speedy recovery.
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Thank you, Jozette! ❤
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Ofcourse!!xoxo
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I have always loved photography
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Aww I am glad you found your way here.
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What a journey. Felt your physical pain myself and love the optimism and positive outlook. The way you have pulled life and detail from a balcony is the ultimate medicine. Loved the peek-a-boo with the sun and daytime feathered visitors that gave you a different outlook of your situation. Thank-you for an inspiring read.
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Thank you abundantly, kind sire. Such a treat to hear that you found my musings to be engaging. These kindred connections are the best parts of being a writer, I suppose.
Thank you for playing peek-a-boo with me. We should do this again (big smile)
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Yes indeed. A fantastic tool for connections on a global scale and all being part of a whole. Agree on the best parts of being a writer. Will look out for more musings.
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Aiyyo! Damn… So so sorry you’ve had to go through this (and more). I noticed the absence but didn’t make much of it face palm
Relieved to know that you are doing (and feeling) better. Slow and steady and all that (even though you want to sucker punch whoever it is that adds twists to the plot-lines of our lives).
P.S.: I admire just how constructive you’ve been in handling this phase. It comes through in your writing. And I know it’s never easy; especially since whining and ranting on a public forum is such a fad! Ugh.
Mind over matter #RESPECT
P.P.S.: Inner balconies — love that 🙂
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Awww thank you very much, comrade. I appreciate the feels-good!
Sucker-punch that someone for being a devil about the twists, but also applaud them for good storytelling sense. A happier me is a less interesting me – I think.
Constructive eh I was starting to believe it was either my vanity or my disconnect from the “realsie” world.
Thank you again, dear friend. Mind over matter (fist bump).
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If this brand of vanity yields literary masterpieces such as these, then I’d suggest you also add the distribution of this “formula” along with that TShirt idea; many are in need of it.
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D’awwwwww! (big smile)
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Damn, this is beautiful ❤
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Thank you so much, PC ❤
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I’ve had 10 surgeries and I suffer from a chronic illness that keeps me inside many days. Your writings are beautiful and honest. I’m so glad this recommended to me to read. Keep writing through the storm. I hope you are doing better now.
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Thank you, Michaele.
Sorry to hear about the chronic pain, I am sure that you are stronger in those places that ache too. I wish you an abundance of good health ❤
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I realized this post today and it is absolutely good, thank you. I hope you got over your pains.
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